geez it seems like everyone at work is starting a blog now... i have 3 total. i only ever write in 2 this one being my primary. dennis has managed to generate a bit of controversy today over Apple vs. Microsoft. i'm not sure which side i'm on. i like to think of myself as platform independent. there are pros and cons to both. i guess that's how i am in general very non-committal. i like seeing both sides of the argument which is not to say that i don't hold opinions on anything. i'd go with Peter to Washington D.C. except i need to conserve vacation days.
poor baby bunnies!!! i guess i can understand, but a shovel?!
had a good talk with karen today... she reminds me of where i am from and why i think the way i do. she's one of my closest friends from high school. i'm glad that she kept in touch with me over the years. it seems that most of the people i was friends with in high school experience a lot of the same relationship problems, coping with the real world troubles, growing pains etc. that I do these days. without them i think i'd be severely disturbed.
one thing i love about karen is she's always willing to listen to my problems and offer advice. the kind that reminds me of high school where she said 'screw guys, we have snuffles!' thinking about those comments just makes me laugh and for an instant i feel better. i've moved on with my life; i'm in seattle i have a job etc. but going back to those memories brings back so many bittersweet feelings. feelings of stolen innocence and invulnerability...
"Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"
-from Nothing Better by the postal service
"Oh baby know how you feel? You feel like my favorite underwear"
-from Favorite by liz phair
i just feel like they're such simple yet profound statements.
i walked over to the cafeteria this morning and there was this loud noise coming from above me and sure enough i looked up and there's a canadian goose on the roof!!! i guess it just never quite occurred to me that this would be possible (similarly how it never occurred to me that dairy cows did not have to be black & white).
thoughts on the way to work: i'm supposed to be happy that's what people tell me anyways. the more stuff that goes on my life the more i'm supposed to move forward and embrace the change, the more i want to revert back to the past. i received a letter from E today which makes me wonder if i live in some delusional world of my own creation. i've heard so much about layoffs and things in other companies, but here i've never really heard of such a thing. people getting fired sure, but no one getting laid off because there's no work or money etc. i grew up with it, and the fear is all too real to me. i want to submerge myself back in the real world where people live from paycheck to paycheck trying to make ends meet. i feel like i've allowed myself to become so out of touch... i wonder if i was ever in touch. my parents provided me with everything that i ever needed and most of everything i wanted. i never struggled financially through college and i envy people who paid their own way. i feel like i've had my hand held through all these big life decisions.
for the first time in my life, i asked my mother for advice and she could not really give me a definitive opinion. she stated the obvious about stability and money etc. but that's about it. i almost wish i were 5 yrs. old again and she just made decisions for me.
i feel like i did during january... i want to hide. if i weren't doing so much travelling already in the next few weeks, i'd book a ticket home and go hide there. it's warm there with good food, some relaxation would probably do me some good.
6-10: You're a smooth operator when it comes to flirting. But unless you're James Bond, you need to take an occasional break from oozing sophistication to let loose and have some fun!
That's what I got... Now I'm watching Average Joe. These girls look so much older than me... they're all like 23-25. Dennis is going to get me age amplifying make up to help. I don't think I want to look older though.
Eric got me a hamentashen from the synagogue today. Yummy! i should probably go to the gym to work out today, but eh I'm tired and i think becoming physically unattractive would help my current situation. mac & cheese for me and maybe some of that 5 gallon liquid cheese from Costco! mmm liquid cheese
it's a gorgeous day outside and I'm stuck inside. Thus far the morning has not been going well I have two meetings today and little focus. I think it's one of those days to crawl back into bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.
james says that this isn't personal enough... i'm not sure how much of my personal life i want to post. it's complicated to say the least right now. and since i've now caught james up on what's going on i feel no need to write more here.
he has also informed me that according to my web log i seem like i drink a lot. i think any of my friends can testify that i indeed do not drink a lot. 1) i can't handle it. i fall asleep. 2) i have a small bladder. i can't drink that much liquor. now i did notice on Friday that I do have a lot of alcohol in my house now. it's from all the random get togethers and parties. some of it is sheryl's and i have yet to return it.
anyways, back to my current life. yesterday went salsa dancing with hassan which amazingly didn't go disastrously. heels hurt after dancing for 2 hrs and that whole latin hip shaking thing isn't easy. i'm not convinced that i'm built to salsa dance, but all in all it wasn't bad. we were home by 12:30am or so and i kind of felt like heading out again but from felix's reports it's probably a good thing that i didn't. they went to some club in pioneer square and apparently it wasn't so much fun. i might try to go out with them this week as it's been a couple weeks since i've gone out with those guys. then again do i want to go out?
jeanne comes back this week. i think friday night we'll be having margaritas courtesy of irwin's planning. (irwin - don't forget!)
at alki today i noticed people wearing those pants with the wording across the butt. seriously i don't get it. i mean they really should just write "look here" because why else have lettering across the butt area of your pants? it gives guys an excuse to check you out. or the shirts that have the lettering across the chest? same thing. i have yet to notice dennis' trend of asian women with fake breasts. there is false advertising going on, i.e. miracle bras, but i think i have yet to see people with implants (or maybe i don't know what to look for).
some people i believe think they are charles dickens paid by the word. they use a lot of them. (no mike not you.) i prefer to believe that you must pay a dollar for each word you use that way you don't use extraneous ones. this rule should apply for all meetings and anything before 10am. my brain hurts parsing all those words.
Some mornings I remind myself of those work people I used to see in high school at Starbucks. I thought I had weaned myself off coffee, apparently not. This morning i got up, got dressed, fed bunny, went to Tully's for coffee. This is admittedly like the second time I've done this since I started working so it's not exactly a habit yet. Anyways 1 caramel macchiato with soy milk later, i'm full of caffeine and jitters and my morning 10am meeting gets cancelled. What a waste. The coffee was good though; I think I definitely like Tully's better than starbucks. I think it's the espresso. I might have to try a Tully's latte later. Going to bed at 3am and waking up at 8am is getting more difficult. I think I'm getting old. Remarkably I am quite awake and not so tired.
Today is sushi with irwin and I have a ton of to do items before tomorrow. Ivy's helping me out by going grocery shopping for me. Agenda for tonight: dinner w/ Irwin, clean house, sleep.
here's dennis suggestion on what to study next.
i wonder if i could actually do it. i've always had some morbid interest in etiquette for whatever reason. (not that i follow it constantly, just sometimes...) i really like those subtle hints like turning your flatware to 3 o'clock to signal that you are done eating. i still get confused by which flatware to use with which course, but the general rule of thumb outside in... maybe i should buy an etiquette book.
i think i've decided that i have some morbid fascination with searching for people online. nothing overly outward or aggressive, i just like to google search for people and see what links appear. for example if you google search for me you get this website, some old websites about results from math contests, irwin's website, and various other things that don't make sense. i think if someone really wanted to scare me they can learn quite a bit about me online. normally i would think that i should try to get rid of these random remnants of me, but i'm not sure how much i care if people know about me. i mean so many people know me in person and they have such a varying opinion what's a few more people who know me?
so tomorrow i have tons of meetings. i'm not good at sitting still in meetings... hopefully i make it through...
first off all the ads I get are about loosing weight, ediets etc. then recently i've been getting tons of spam mail about ephedra and loosing weight. what is it trying to tell me??? should I get a hint already? i mean i don't want to see some thin model first thing in the morning while i'm debating whether or not those doughnuts are worth eating... (of course they are). then of course we have the singles ads too match.com, lavalife, etc. i wonder if i owned a tivo would it do the same thing? record dating shows? show me cooking light shows? possibly how to follow the atkins diet?
ky jelly + thermometer != happy bunny... poor baby got his nails caught in the heating vent last week and we took him to the vet today to make sure that there wasn't any infection... they say he should have a yearly check up, but that was so stressful. Ohhh everyone guess cadbury's weight again! we know what it is now :)
the subject of dating has come up several times over coffee and other things... and today dennis sent me this link on dating Microsoft men. The frightening thing is that most of the things in the article are true. Now for all of those Microsoftie single guy friends of mine reading this see it lists places to pick up these women. Question 1: Do you want to date someone who falls into this description? i.e. attracted to the fat paycheck? Question 2: Does it bother you that these women exist? Question 3: Are you more attracted to women who work at Microsoft themselves? or is that a turn off?
1. girl in zara with a slit in her jeans right below her butt - this was just strange... and i just wanted to avert my eyes anytime her back was towards me... is this a new trend i'm not aware of? if it is well i don't think i'm going to try that one...
2. 2 japanese girls ordered tons of food - i mean tons. 3 orders of bbq stuff (chicken, beef, pork), lots of spring rolls, sushi, kimchi etc. ivy and i watched as they plowed through it. i was thoroughly amazed.
3. shiba inu - oh such a cute puppy!
4. i didn't find a dress. apparently my ribcage is too large for my waist size. go fig.
5. vancouver has way better shopping and city life than seattle.
we just got back a few hrs ago. i'm tired... time for bed.
Dennis Cheung has now been added to the links section. Hopefully by posting about the addition his score in google will also be increased. Would anyone else like to be linked?
Tomorrow is Vancouver :). yeah! shopping and sushi! i might get my hair dyed time permitting... i haven't quite decided... probably not. i like my highlights, but i can't decide whether i want to continue doing that or not. maybe redlights? blonde streaks? my only problem with those is that as my hair grows out it looks bad... at least this way it's a little more subtle (though admittedly you can tell)
Irwin's birthday is coming up. He has everything. If we all die today, he has the most toys. Okay so maybe not so much but he definitely kicks my butt toy-wise. I can kick his butt at DDR. So I thought legos? no he just bought a ton of those. iPod accessories? nope not good enough for his stereo system. so now we're down to ceramic knives, knife sharpening, or something??? ideas? buying gifts for the guys in my life oh so complicated! at least girls have a vast array of things that you can get for them. the default is a piece of clothing with a gift receipt attached. it shows you thought about them... you got a gift receipt in case they thought it was hideous! that counts right? are gift certificates too impersonal? this is why when it comes around to my birthday, irwin asks "what do you want?" and i give him a list. he chooses off said list and everyone is happy. no pretending that i like a gift when i don't... i mean how could i not like it i picked it out! amazon wishlists are good for this reason...
i lust after G. everyday i come in waiting for him to arrive. i in fact stay late at work so i can spend more time with G. and everyday he rejects me. it's so sad. i'm going back to being sad in my office and pine after G.
who has it easier?
on the one hand it seems that there are lots of single guys and not so many single girls despite the census reportings that the ratio is about 1:1 with possibly more guys... (that's just what i remember - i am fallible - justin feel free to check up on that). so by this argument it's generally easier for girls because they have choices.
but is having more choices easier? and since it seems that there are more single guys than girls, (i am in a skewed region) doesn't it feel worse for girls if they can't find a guy? it's like look how many there are and none of them fit... as opposed to guys who can say well there weren't that many to begin with no wonder none of them is right? in the former case (girl's), if you have this huge pool of guys and one after the other isn't working out it, you tend to start thinking there must be something seriously wrong with you. i guess the question boils down to is it better to have more chances of rejection or to have fewer chances period?
i have a ton of fears... ask anyone i know they're constantly saying that I'm always scared. the one that's been bothering me the most lately is fear of commitment. i don't want to commit to anything. i'm scared of it and i really wonder if there's any point to commit. it's not just relationships it's decisions about every part of my life. i know me... i'll argue both sides until the last minute and then make some spontaneous decision throwing out all my previous thoughts.
i think my fear of commitment has hurt so many people in the past. i think it's better for me to be alone rather than risk hurting someone else. maybe the expectation i set out should be like T's: don't expect me to care... except for me it would be don't expect me to not hurt you... because inevitably it always happens. i hurt people who are close to me. i can see the pain i cause; they say it's not my fault, but how else can you explain the hurt?
i try not to be deceptive. i tell people how i am, but they don't listen... or maybe they do and don't care. perhaps i should do more to keep people away from me... i hear being unfriendly helps... so maybe i just need to repress that side.
depressing...
Ki System
Natal Year number: 2
A sociable individual, Joann is outward-looking, well-balanced and thoughtful. However, she is also pretty conservative by nature, and reluctant to adapt to changes. Unwilling to rely on others for financial or emotional support, Joann will work harder than most to achieve her goals. Yet she is compassionate and supportive of others.
Natal Month number: 1
Enjoying periods of time on her own, Joann's adaptable personality makes it easy for her to get along with others. She will examine fresh ideas in some depth, rejecting fashionable notions that fail to meet her substantive criteria. For this reason she should study philosophy, or one of its related disciplines. A perceptive individual who needs variety, and enjoys travel.
Natal House number: 6
With an analytical brain, and holding strong views, Joann may appear to be somewhat stubborn. She is likely to have a particular interest in technological matters, and will work long and hard to master the skills needed to put that technology to good use. Family-orientated and good with money, she will work best with a small circle of like-minded colleagues.
Here's my Western grid:
Although Joann is often outgoing and chatty, she can at times be quite introspective. She may not of course see herself as an entertainer, but she nevertheless has all the qualities needed for the stage. She may seem shy on interview, but put her on a platform with an audience, and you will see the benefits that she can bring to any employment that demands such skills.
Highly intelligent and acutely sensitive, Joann is a good judge of other people's motives and character. She enjoys high intelligence, and with a number 7 (in the Western Grid) she would be suited to a vocation in the priesthood. Sensitive to the needs of others, Joann should be employed to the benefit of those who lack the advantages enjoyed by others.
Good with details and with a methodical approach, Joann nevertheless is someone who enjoys constant new challenges to maintain her interest. She is a methodical individual with attention to detail, but is inclined to leave tasks unfinished if her active mind alights on something of greater interest. Routine tasks that fail to challenge her intellect are at greatest risk, so Joann needs a job that offers variety.
Ambitious to improve her lot, Joann will constantly push forward to achieve something in her life, yet this ambition will be balanced by humanitarian ideals that will lead her to support causes that may demand self-sacrifice.
[The Arrow of Scepticism: lacking the numbers 3, 5 and 7] Taking little on trust, in adult life Joann requires solid proof before she accepts a concept. Characterised by honesty and fairness, she is quite intuitive, yet firmly sceptical of the claims made, for example, by religion. This may be important at work, if employers require employee acceptance of work practices that are not immediately verifiable.
[The Arrow of Frustrations: lacking the numbers 4, 5 and 6] Joann finds it difficult to accept other people as they really are, and is constantly disillusioned with life. Once she accepts that others are only human, the frustrations will cease.
Here's my Chinese grid:
Joann enjoys a positive and balanced approach to life and will be financially successful. If the Chinese version also contains 2 sevens, Joann is very fortunate.
Joann is family-orientated, and needs a pleasant working environment as well as a comfortable home.
In the absence (in the Chinese version) of the numbers 1 and 6, she will be good with money and details. She will be happier if the Chinese grid includes the numbers 5 and 7.
Although Joann is ambitious, her ambition is tempered with humanitarian ideals.
[The Arrow of Loneliness: Lacking the numbers 3, 5 and 7] Joann is so determined to achieve her objectives that she does so at the expense of all else, including friends, family, love and laughter.
[The Arrow of Prosperity: The numbers 1, 6 and 8] Joann is suited to the commercial world because she is determined to make money - if necessary at the expense of all else. Without the numbers 3, 5 and 7 (in the Chinese version) Joann will be a cold and calculating individual who will achieve her aims with total disregard for the feelings of others.
..."at the expense of all else, including friends, family, love and laughter." wow my life suddenly sounds very void.
here's the site.
i'm tired. i didn't end up going back to work instead i worked from home. this cannot keep up i'm exhausted and i look like crap. i'm behind on at least 5 things and despite posting more frequently i'm not being inefficient.
tomorrow is st. patrick's day so don't forget to wear green. i don't have green underwear so if my brain is functioning in the morning a green tank top it will have to be. maybe a green sweater it is still a bit cold.
i seriously hope i don't forget the plans i have for the rest of the week... i wrote them down on a calendar in my office, but i wonder if i'll be able to actually keep up.
last night i stopped by QFC on my way home... this is what i bought:
1 orange juice
1 mango kiwi juice
5 lean cuisine meals
8 boxes of lean pockets
i think i have issues. i've had coffee now. things are improving i think. i've decided i'm going home in 20 mins. though i may be coming back to work at night. maybe i just won't.
1. if i have not had coffee in the morning, all bets are off. i frequently don't have coffee in the morning these days. you should try again around 10:30-11:00am.
2. if i had to get out of bed before 8am, i can be unusually vicious. if you come into my office, you may get chewed out for no apparent reason.
3. if industrial music is playing, i am trying to concentrate, this is generally not a good time to bother me. do not try to reprioritize my day with what you need done at that exact moment!
there i listed it. my peer mentoring class tells me that i should inform people of how i work and what bothers me beforehand. maybe i should list this outside of my door it should have a "read carefully before you proceed" title.
As i'm extremely busy at work it makes sense that I'm reading netscape articles right? anyways i'm weighing the benefits of being single to those of being married. This article hints at single and happy is the way to go... "The takeaway: Being single, especially for professional women who willingly choose not to marry, is a far better long-term health benefit for women than being stuck in an unhappy marriage."
and boy this line scares me 'University of Utah psychologist Timothy Smith told USA Today. "You can get away from your boss, but you can't get away from your spouse, even at night."' wow i think if i wanted to get away from my spouse at night something is seriously wrong...
also what's with the eyebrow obsession? i mean i always thought there was a thing for chest, butt, and legs, but eyebrows??? i'm starting to think that actually being a feminine girl is difficult. i think i'll go back to being geeky - so much less upkeep... no more having to coordinate bras with panties etc.
andy was watching office space this weekend. reminded me of the term "the mondays"... i think I have a serious case. I wonder if i can take a sick day. Unfortunately with my personality taking a sick day just stresses me out even more for the rest of the week. After listening to this band Late Tuesday a couple weeks ago, I've been listening to some of their music online. I like it. It's very calming.
i wore a pair of slides (a type of shoe - no back... looks like a dressy soccer sandal - that's my best description) today because I have a blister on my heel and I didn't want to risk rubbing it. yes, i could use moleskin or mole foam I have both at home, but that's so much effort... it's easier just to slip into shoes... i forgot how high the heel on these shoes were... i feel so tall today. yesterday i was really ambitious i painted my toe nails. first iteration was a nice lime green color, but i think i'm terribly pale to pull that off so i went for this dark red color (brazenberry). i'm still sore from hiking (slightly) which means wearing shoes with a heel is probably not the best idea. i had no idea i had muscles behind my knees, but now i do because the left one hurts. i don't think i believe people when they say if i continue hiking the pain will stop. it's like saying if i keep beating my head against a wall eventually it won't hurt. that's right people it won't hurt anymore because i'll be unconscious!
okay so really i just like griping about hiking. it's actually kind of fun to have that sense of accomplishment to reach the top of the mountain. surely it must be easier to take an elevator of some sort to the top right? I hear they paraglide from the top of this mountain... somehow I think that's one activity i might have to do without... my fear of heights conquers me in that arena... k back to work and indulging myself in a case of the mondays. coffee anyone?
This is what I did today: 1) clean bathroom 2) breakfast with becky 3) hiking Tiger Mountain with Sam 4) collapse from hiking 5) the Garage 6)Battle of the Bands.
I am out of shape. There is no doubt about that. Here is a picture from the top. I'm amazed Sam didn't get terribly upset about my complaining the entire way up. Here's another one with the sign and the tree.
Anyways so got up from my nap and headed over to the Garage after eating. I didn't really feel in the mood for pool so after saying hi to people I headed over to the U-district... for the Battle of the Bands. I think I'm becoming more Detroit rocker (probably Kevin's fault). I actually kind of enjoyed some of the songs, cover of the Pixies and AC/DC - I vaguely know who AC/DC is... and that's being quite liberal. I also found out that Walk This Way is by Aerosmith and I like that song. I feel very non-asian. I feel like I should say I'm from Michigan somewhere :).
Chatted with Ivy & Kevin a bit when I got home. I still feel like I'm in a crappy mood after waking up from my nap. I'm not really sure why, just do. Tomorrow is another day I suppose, let's see how much I can sleep. Thought of the day: how does second hand smoke from mary jane affect you? (yes I really am this naive... if someone could seriously let me know i'd appreciate it. i couldn't quite get a straight answer. it also didn't help that i wasn't even sure what it was...)
everything around me is a mess. my office is a mess, my room is a mess, my inbox is a mess... it's slowly starting to irritate me, but work keeps piling and there's hasn't been much of a break socially either. I think I'm going to devote this morning to cleaning up my office... I know it'll make me feel better... and it's always good to feel better...
45 mins past and still not a clean office... papers everywhere... i'm getting strict on myself. if i haven't seen it in months recycle it goes.
what's your perfect age to get married? I think I'm right around 27... 27.52 to be exact.
anyways i don't understand me. when it's sunny outside, i have a desire to sleep in, when it's cloudy i get up. i think it's completely backwards. today is an amazingly sunny day and all i want to do is curl up and go to sleep. and after like a wk without eating indian food, for some odd reason i'm craving it... my eating habits have been horrendous lately. last night i had a bacon cheeseburger, chicken nuggets, and a frosty before skating. no it didn't hurt, but pondering what i had just consumed made me ill. for some reason i've decided to like frosties... i'm not quite sure why. i wonder if they put some addictive additive... oh speaking of food lunchtime!
(people's names have been eliminated just in case)
joann: is it worth it to watch starsky & hutch
person A: hmm, i don't know.
joann: rental?
person A: yeah i don't know if it's worth that
person B: I just wished it was funnier
person A: maybe if you were really bored.
person B: it's one of those things to go see if you have nothing else to do on a Friday night
joann: who do you think i am? you?
score 1 for me :)
i was so proud of myself; i thought it was particularly witty.
so someone searched for "wiggles underwear" on yahoo and got to here :). hehe silly people.
a turtle??? nope nope it's a hamster... no wait it's a gerbil! that's it gerbil! hehe it's always amusing trying to figure out song lyrics... this one is from Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne... thanks to irwin i'm addicted to this song. i've also figured out that it takes approximately 2 tracks off the JET album to get from home to work and vice versa... kind of works out well, but i only like about 3 tracks on the cd...
oh that was just really wrong. i was walking through the mall today (covered all the stores i wanted in like 25 mins.) and there was a girl in this red mini skirt jump suit outfit... for some reason i feel like that was just wrong. btw - pink seems very in this season... pink everywhere! and it's not just pale pink, it's that really loud pink too... hmm how can colors be of a certain volume? my friend jen in high school loves pink... i don't know if i love pink, but i think i can pull it off, so long as i don't tan. given that i'm living in seattle, what are the chances of that?
i've been talking a lot lately... i find i talk a lot so that i have less thoughts in my head... if i'm quiet, there's a lot on my mind. last night was incredible i had highs and lows. i ended up spending a good hr or two contemplating. the end result was an amazing painting that i want to touch up, but i almost don't want to touch just to see how i react to it when i see it. i think i mainly did it for andrew... had a lot of emotions in reaction to what he said to me what i read during the day. i'll post the painting later... maybe. i know irwin will like it; it's primary focus is a calla lily.
according kevin apparently the invention was for guys... yeah whatever. everyone knows it's for the prevention of VPLs. so i tried the whole boyshort + low rise jeans... worked okay but boyshorts tend to ride up... not very comfy i mean you might as well wear a thong at that point. anyways so i was discussing this with irwin & kevin on the way home last night when this conversation ensued:
joann: thongs aren't so comfortable.
irwin: mmm thongs.
joann: what's the fascination with thongs?
kevin: more skin. why do you think they invented thongs?
joann: to prevent VPLs.
kevin & irwin: VPLs?
joann: you know VPLs. Visible Panty Lines.
kevin & irwin: oh.
kevin: but what about thong clips?
joann: thong clips?! what?!
irwin: dude i don't wanna know what you've been up to.
joann: thong clips?!
kevin: i...i... read an article about them somewhere.
joann: thong clips?!
yup that was my saturday night. still not resolution to the underwear dilemna, but eh.
since i donated blood earlier in the day, i decided not to drink last night... i would have gone from being a cheap date to basically free date :). needless to say andy was trying to convince me to drink, but i resisted!
today was rather uneventful thankfully. had dim sum with some friends from Clements (yeah i stumbled across some people i knew in high school who just happened to have settled in seattle). then went into work for a few hrs and now it's mandatory tv watching time! jennifer garner :)
wednesday went skating w/ a bunch of people... only got "fallen on" 2-3 times... eric grabbed my butt once... all in all not too bad. by chance saw brendan (aussie) there, i hadn't seen him since i first met him at james's hot pot party last year or so. nice guy, he's having a wine tasting tonight that i may show up at depending on how heather's birthday goes... we're going to Suite G to listen to Bird of Passage not that I know who they are, but I'm always up for live music.
Thursday & Friday were both busy days at work and I just came home and promptly just crashed. Today Will called me this morning from Korea, he's lost 45 lbs. since he's been there... I'm worried for his health, but he says he has 40 days left before he takes a 30 day leave. oops gotta run I'll finish this later :)
seems like i meet a lot of people from MIT these days. I guess that's not so surprising since a couple of my friends went there, and I get introduced to their friends etc. i'm starting to feel like Seattle is too small... but then i walk around big events and I'm like I don't know anyone here... it's a rainy day today it was sunny in the morning... james called. said that it was sunny & raining and houston the days that i always found simply amazing... i wonder if he took a picture for me. i'm homesick again. (currently in my head: melissa etheridge "breathe")
here are my scores:
| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | ||
| Category | Your Score | Average |
| Self-Lovin' | 90% Never taken out of the packaging | 65% |
| Shamelessness | 97.6% Has yet to see self in mirror | 79.4% |
| Sex Drive | 92.1% The Pope is envious | 77.7% |
| Straightness | 39.3% Done the nasty, but not creatively | 44.8% |
| Gayness | 100% | 83.6% |
| Fucking Sick | 99.1% Refreshingly normal | 89.9% |
| You are 83.63% pure Average Score: 72.6% | ||
so i've noticed that a lot of my entries get picked up on google... like when people search for "the wiggles" so i'm trying to modify some text in l33t so that fewer people get brought here... anyways those are my scores. not so interesting, i've seen these tests so many times it gets boring to take them now.
i can feel it happening again and maybe i'm just hoping that my body will be too exhausted to put me through it. completely illogical, but my thinking is never lucid.
since i like to have coffee (sometimes), but usually whole milk or cow's milk in general does not agree with me i've taken to these substitutes. now i can't really decide which is better. i think soy leaves a funny aftertaste, but rice milk tastes like rice in my coffee which is a bit strange... though at work there is no rice milk just soy so i just get that.
i've been good. i've cut back on my coffee intake. makes me a bit groggy in the afternoons but i think i'm easier to manage then... otherwise i just bounce off the walls and people laugh. at least they laugh and don't get angry...
random thoughts in my head this morning: metrosexual, bitterness, jaded, kids, and skating.
metrosexual... does anyone consider themselves a metrosexual? i was trying to think about how many of my friends i would consider metrosexual, i could only really think of one, but he doesn't really pull off metrosexual, because it's not like he always cares about how he looks. a certain person i dated a couple years ago i'd characterize as metrosexual, but he's also been said to have "little man syndrome" - take that however you want. i think the question is if someone has metrosexual tendencies does that necessarily mean he is one? i mean i know people who have the tendencies, but if i were to see them on the street i wouldn't think that they had any of those tendencies.
bitterness - i've always been envious of those people that fell in love in high school, dated, and then married their high school sweetheart. i never really followed up on these people so they could be divorced by now for all i know, but in my mind these people are still together living perfect lives. i'd like to think that i haven't gotten so bitter about love, but you know sometimes i really question it. i tend to be so logical that if love were simply a calculation of how many kids you wanted, income potential, desired residence etc. i think it might be okay with me. however, that's not how it is, it seems the only solution is trial and error with intimate feelings involved. granted we take the lessons learned from each previous trial to the next trial, but it doesn't make each subsequent trial any less painful than the one before. hence bitterness starts to develop, founded in disappointment, betrayal, and failure. is there any way to stop the bitterness?
jaded i view jaded as the step that comes after bitterness. eventually the bitterness decides to cement itself and your personality becomes jaded. it's especially hard for the person you date after you get to this point. if he/she really wants to date you, he'll have to chisel through the jaded part and try to get you to see the good in the world again. it's not impossible, but i don't envy the person who takes on this endeavor. it can be very trying... and again what if it doesn't work out the bitterness starts all over again.
kids lately i've been thinking that i don't really want kids, but this morning i was playing with this baby and it makes me reconsider. i think it all comes down to if i settle down with someone and what they want, i.e. what we want together. i know i like being around kids, but i'm not sure that I want one myself.
skating going skating today despite only sleeping about 5-6 hrs. i hope i can last... might have to resort to coffee... mmm coffee.
one last thought... barenaked ladies... i really like their new album. maybe just because it's new and different than what i've been listening to...
all i have to say... disturbing. but the kid i know who was watching it looked quite happy. how these guys came up with the idea i have no idea, but parents don't seem to be disturbed by their kids watching so i guess that's good. apparently 3/4 were teachers or education majors. who said teaching doesn't pay?
hassan has taken to photography lately. the man has more hobbies than anyone i know (ok so maybe not Sam...), but he has a lot. anyways he came over last night, because he's decided that he wants to try portraiture. i'm seriously (no false modesty) wondering why people think that it'd be fun to take pictures of me. my hypothesis is that they don't really want to take pictures of me, but there aren't many girls around to take pictures of? not so much with hassan, because it does seem like he has several female friends... but this is the second time i've been asked to do something like this. makes me wonder what people are thinking when they ask. i guess i should just take it as a compliment and move on.
i'm debating taking yoga classes. i've always liked doing yoga at home, but tom suggests taking classes because it's extremely informative. however, i feel like i have enough stuff to do at the moment, and i kind of like just doing yoga when i have the time. they do have this $20 special where you can take unlimited classes for two weeks though. i wonder... i don't think physically i could take more than one class every 2-3 days. but then again it is almost swimsuit season, and i'd like to be able to wear some of mine...
okay so one more random thought... yes i know i've focused on underwear lately... but so i've switched to this low-rise kind, b/c a lot of my jeans are low-rise, but i still get the underwear issue. you know the one where you sit down and the jeans move and you can see the underwear? is there really any solution to this? and i'm not talking thong either... those just aren't fun... i guess i could just wear normal waisted pants again, but now it feels weird to wear them so high.
you know I thought I was doing pretty well because I can name all the teletubbies, but apparently teletubbies are out and the wiggles are in? i have now been informed of who the wiggles are to some extent, apparently a bunch of 30 something males in Australia who sing songs to kids. they've made tons of money off of this so far and they're coming to Seattle. Apparently the show is extremely popular. Did anyone else know of the wiggles? Even Gerald knew the wiggles... of course he does have a niece. Should any of my friends start having kids I need to keep current on these things.
Another thought I had, we need to institute afternoon naps in the work place. either that or abolish the ones we had in kindergarten. I think it's that early childhood development is to blame when it comes to me feeling sleepy right after lunch through the afternoon. If I never took naps in the afternoon, then I would have learned to stay awake. instead I took naps in the afternoon and then they take them away. Now in school this isn't so bad, I mean most people would fall asleep in class at some time or another right? but in the workplace, some how most people have trained themselves to stay awake, i have yet to learn this talent.