today we went by victoria's secret too. and guess what i found? red underwear. so now i have some. yeah! mommy will be so happy... hmm i guess i should explain... well chinese new year dictates that the zodiac sign of the year should wear red for good luck. it's the year of the monkey and i'm a monkey so i'm supposed to be wearing red. i couldn't find any rings w/ a red stone that i like though i did find an anklet that i've been wearing so my mom suggested i buy red underwear. i did buy one pair of red christmas underwear, but i hadn't quite found any solid red in a while. then luckily the victoria's secret stores still carry red underwear even though their online store doesn't show it as an option. so there you have it red underwear!
yeah so i'm out of it. i've heard the term oscars night all week, but i never quite thought about it. i'm still not quite sure what it is etc. i'm getting too old to keep doing this. each weekend i go out, and each night i stay out until like 1-2am then end up going to bed at like 3am. it's really taking it's toll on me. okay so not exactly, but since i'm not good at sleeping in i get a lot less done on the weekends. things i meant to do today, but haven't: review a document for work, workout, get an oil change, clean my bathroom, and put away my laundry. so far planned for tomorrow: coffee with Becky. at this rate i'll get out of bed around noon take my car for an oil change and have coffee with becky. well i guess 2 out of 6 isn't too bad right?
ran a couple errands, if anyone cares Yves DeLorme has 40% off some of their baby line right now, but not the ultrasoft baby blankets. apparently Roots is also having a big sale in vancouver, but i won't make it up there this weekend for sure, and i highly doubt next weekend. i suppose it's for the best, i shouldn't spend so much money. for dinner we (brendan & I) went to wallingford pizza house which was okay but we both agreed Flying Pie in Issaquah is better. I like it when the pepperoni is burnt. i don't like it when it's baked underneath the cheese. then i had some tea at Tully's and we walked around the Lake washington waterfront (madison park). i hadn't been there in a while I forgot how much i like that neighborhood. hung out at brendan's for a bit then went home to a couple people at my house playing trivial pursuit. i find trivial pursuit really frustrating to play because i never had an interest in history or a great memory for popular culture. lots of trash talking occurred but in the end kevin, ivy, and irwin won. and now i'm exhausted... time for bed.
i got one necklace w/o flashing anyone... let's say it's a green necklace, because we all know my mind can be in the gutter and i learned that term just a few months ago... i'm so tired. i went to my boss's birthday party first where i had probably the equivalent of one margarita. i felt fine after that, then came home for a bit. talked to mom, cleaned up, ivy came home & we headed over to travis's. after exchanging a few well not so appropriate for children under 17 comments :). then we went to travis's where i discovered the wonders of 151. okay so first i made an "amaretto sour." so i had to improvise a bit because there was no sour mix, i did this weird lemon & lime + sugar combination. I think it turned out okay because ivy did drink a good portion of it. i tried making myself one, but i think i need real sour mix. anyways we sat around for a bit, then i had travis make me a hurricane? w/ lots of extra passion fruit syrup. since there wasn't regular rum though we had to sub 151. that thing has a flame retardant cap on it... needless to say about 5-10 mins later i was feeling pretty spacey & sleepy. even andy agreed that i was probably drunk. you know i can't really tell if i am drunk or not. i mean i know what's going on around me... i'm just kind of loopy & sleepy. similar to the feeling i have after pulling an all nighter. well so i laid on the ground and just listened all around me. jay was playing the guitar; i had no idea he could. he & kevin tried to teach me like the first few notes to Collective Soul Needs. sometime later after eating fruit salad and just watching people play guitar & pool, ivy decided it was sleepy time so we walked home.
so one strange thing happened, ivy at some point said joann you should do yoga, so i did a backbend... and some guy (not one that was joking or one that i knew all that well) was like 'oh what would you do if i touched your belly button?' now me being me, and being very close to some of the guys there (good friends not physically) i just ignored the comment, but talk about ewww... i'm really glad i just ignored the comment and tried to phase it out. i don't get where guys get the idea that that is an okay thing to say??? i mean it's one thing if you're a close friend and i know you're just teasing me or whatever, but that's blatantly not so good a comment to make if i don't know you or i've never really had any conversation longer than say 5 mins with you. well luckily i think he took the hint of me ignoring him and didn't pursue the issue further.
i woke up extra early today (it's not exactly clear to me why, but i did). anyways work occurred and it was a rather stressful day which ended a bit early because i went to chocolates for choice w/ a coworker. it was a lot of chocolate & a lot of fun. at some point, he handed me a piece of chocolate which when i looked at strangely reminded me of well the female sex part. however, i didn't think that someone would make a chocolate piece of that, but sure enough i eventually ran across the booth numerous jokes about eating vulvas etc. and they tasted really good really.
it was actually kind of fun being at a fundraising event for a specific cause. i'm not particularly active politically, but it was kind of interesting watching people fundraise for a specific thing they believe in. ok i'm probably not making sense, because i'm exhaustedly tired. i better finish up working and get home to bed...
it was sunny for part of the day and that was nice, but now it's gotten gray again. not to mention certain events at work just making me feel worse. but now i have my cup of warm tea and the essence of bergamot is filling the room. the also pleasant side effect of caffeine should hit soon. tensions rise and fall like waves, but friendships still manage to persevere. i'll be out most of tonight doing random stuff including go to a charity event. maybe i'll make it over in time to say hi to becky. i haven't seen her in forever i feel like a horrible friend.
to answer your question justin, do i really care if people i don't know are reading this? probably not. if i did i'd install one of those nifty little trackers like kevin suggested. however, where i am usually the germaphobe in this case i am not so paranoid. i mean it's an online journal for goodness sake. i always find it amusing when people ask if they can read it. if i didn't want people to read it i wouldn't put it out there to be read. i'm fairly intelligent enough to chmod things that i don't want other people to have access to and this situation is no different. if i wanted to restrict access i'd at least use a password (though it's not entirely clear to me which authentication scheme would be the best choice).
so because I'm supposed to wear red this year (it is one of my favorite colors too), i tried to buy red underwear. i didn't try incredibly hard, i just went to victoriassecret.com and looked for the style of underwear i prefer. much to my disappointment, they no longer carry that style in red. you'd think that this would be just a standard color, but of course not, the one year i need to wear red underwear. :P well if anyone sees any *comfortable* looking red underwear at a store, you should let me know.
ewww they sell velvet bikini underwear. that doesn't sound comfy at all. and everything at bananarepublic is lace. not comfy either. what's wrong w/ these people? what happened to cotton??? i wonder if hanes her way makes some... though i've gotten used to vs.
i'm more prolific than i thought. finished writing my statement for the most part, everything's getting sent tomorrow. we'll see how it goes. so what i don't understand is that most graduate programs have deadlines in january while the scholarships have deadlines in november, but some scholarships have the prereq that you have been accepted. i'm kind of confused on this whole concept.
i finally finished my meetings for the day. amazing. i had more meetings today than well than i usually do. i've also had tons of sugar today. evil gerald. several godiva chocolates and some kitkats later... i'm about 10 lbs. heavier and only slightly hyper. i think coffee is way more effective.
Why are you still single? This is simply meant to be humorous I wouldn't take it too seriously. I practiced drivign standard again. I only stalled once this time yeah! So that makes the cars I've tried to learn to drive on: Honda Civic, Honda Prelude, Honda S2000 (yes Andy let me drive), and a Camaro. I must say the Civic was definitely the easiest to drive. I stalled the most on the S2000 (yes guys cringe). The camaro has the loudest engine. Yup there's my evaluation of cars. Next up convinced the Audi TT owner and Mercedes C230 owner to let me drive... the latter has already said I could... and now the former has agreed :)
i took two random quiz/tests about dating. one was the eharmony personality profile (it takes a good half hr - longer if you read slowly)... if anyone's interested, i have the results, but i'm not posting them here. i have no idea who reads this thing anymore... apparently a handful of people I don't know. well regardless that wasn't so disturbing, the more disturbing one was the one on match.com rating the physical attractiveness... most of the people they showed were creepy scary. i'm not sure what the men attracted women looks like, but if it's anything like the women attracted to men, be afraid. wow i think if i had any remote interest in internet dating that quiz seriously killed it.
i am currently eating ritz crackers. they are holiday ritz, i.e. shaped in the form of a snowflake. so the question is... are ritz crackers as indestructible as twinkies? is it safe for me to be eating holiday crackers as spring is almost upon us (in any normal place other than the freezing cold north).
i managed to avoid everything i needed to do today and instead add a few projects to my list of to do including planting some seeds and arranging some flowering plants. i couldn't help it. in some freak occurrence seattle is sunny and in the mid 60s today. i really felt it was time to put some more stuff into the ground. stopped by molback's on the way home picked up primroses and some paperwhites. then went to the market, got some bleu cheese for spinach salad and tried some cheese curds (yummy). oh and then ivy tried to get me in shape by asking me to go on a bike ride. so we went to marymoor & back. my butt is still sore from yesterday and my legs don't work anymore. it was nice and relaxing though (significantly easier to keep up with ivy than sam). ok well i better get to essay writing...
in the article "Houston Holiday" by michele meyer, "The city with the nation's largest Asian population outside of New York.." I didn't make it up. So there. Another interesting section of the article is "ready, set, shop" see it was a matter of environmental factors that shopping is one of pasttimes which is why i need to stay far far away from malls... yes my credit card has seen much use.
Last night had dinner & dessert with friends. The usual: dinner at Wild Ginger then walk over to the W for dessert. Note to self: heels hurt after a day of walking around in them then running around downtown in them :) If only I was naturally about 3 inches taller, I could wear flats. Anyways sat around the W people watching. I do things like that a lot. Last night there was a man sitting and having a drink (his pants were worn about 1-2 inches too high). I surmised that he was waiting for someone as he had his cell phone on the table. It was amusing to watch him. As if he was trying to be very relaxed, but was still unsure of what would happen next. Unfortunately I looked away at some point and he had left. oh well. i guess I'll never know. I think this is why I like reading biographies. It's fun to learn about other people's lives.
for all of my PhD seeking friends out there, here's an interesting article. Doesn't sound like there's a paucity of women in academia, but it does sound like there's a definite glass ceiling. One nice thing about my current position, I don't feel like there's a gender defined glass ceiling.
I've already taken the route with very few women as evidenced by me and like maybe two other girls in my CS classes. Despite what Kjohn has said about trying to get to class early so he could sit next to girls, that has never happened to me. I think the guys were afraid of Ivy - she has sharp elbows. It's nice to be different from most people in classes, but after a couple of references to Star Wars, Quake, or Diablo my eye glaze over.
I don't really mind being the only girl around, okay so I do, but it's not like it happens that often. Most of my friends have girlfriends or some other female friend etc who is around also. In fact this is how I've met most of the girls I know, through guys I know. I'm notorious for not getting along with girls, so I'm quite happy that I have some girl friends that I have a ton of fun with now.
So I think inside this unfeeling exterior of mine, I am a hopeless romantic at heart. My friends Alan and Becky got engaged this past weekend :). Congratulations. The ring is absolutely gorgeous. This entire week I've been hearing about the cute things couples did for each other this past weekend. I know I should feel something like pain or loneliness, but I really don't. I had a great time with friends for Valentine's day.
Yesterday I had a crappy day at work. The kind where I go home in tears just wondering why I bother. Well earlier in the day Kevin asked if I wanted to get sushi and on Sunday Irwin had asked if I wanted to get sushi then Travis called at like 6pm asking if I wanted to get sushi. Apparently yesterday was a big sushi craving day. So even though I had declined Irwin & Kevin previously, I figured by the third person we should just go get sushi. Of course Ivy was up for sushi too so we all went to the Eating Factory. yes I know all you can eat sushi is scary, but after a bad day really what could go wrong? Dinner was absolutely hilarious. Between the bathroom humor (thanks to Ivy) and the singing I was cracking up. Irwin is literally a human jukebox, but only songs from like the 50s,60s,70s, and 80s. He doesn't really do too much of the recent stuff, i.e. John Mayer. Anyways sitting at dinner made me realize that I have a great life. I have friends who are absolute goofballs who let me just relax and be myself, forgetting all the terrible things that happen during the day. It's no wonder I'm not in any hurry to be dating. It'd mean less time with these guys and for companionship they're the best.
i'm awful at staying awake in meetings, classes, etc. I think I must have some gene that says timeout and go to sleep after about 45 mins. The subject matter itself is interesting; I'm just so not good at sitting still. It really doesn't help that there's no table here, just a chair. I think this morning i almost fell out of my chair in the talk. Luckily I woke up at the last second because my neck decided it didn't want to go on vacation just yet... One positive of going to these things Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Only problem i'm not a huge fan of doughnuts. Also unfortunately no caffeinated tea. Only coffee. So I had a cup of tea to keep me through that one... and now i have another pick me up white/regular chocolate mocha w/ soy milk. oooh i'm so seattle these days. and what in the world does the term "silver bullet" mean? obviously i'm missing some slang term here because I don't quite get it. Well people are getting up i should go.
Today I want to be surrounded by friends who love & cherish me. The ones who don't really care if I look or feel like crap, the ones who have stood by me for years even when I pushed them away. I want to stand in the middle and let the support & love they've given me over the years keep me up. I'm tired of standing on my own; I need to fall. I think I'm going through my mid-20s crisis a tad early, but then again everyone always said I am an old soul. Today is mid-year review day. I get to look back at what I've done over the last six months and ponder what I should do to improve myself. Introspection always depresses me. I feel like there should be more to life.
I talked with Adam this morning about moving and everything else. I'm so tempted. Maybe I'm simply yearning for change in my life and nothing more. Maybe I just want to shock myself into a completely different environment to see if I sink or swim.
Anyways my mind is now preoccupied with preparing for tomorrow. Anyone who's in town is more than welcome to stop by. We're just playing games starting at 8pm. I'm making lace cookies, chocolate truffle cake, and chocolate chip cookies (already made). (There's also leftover lemon bars from last week.) I need to pick up some Amaretto DiSaronno and sour mix, but I think those the only things I'm missing. Kevin's getting the rest of the stuff for Sangria. I'll probably start preparing afternoon tomorrow and it should all be done in time. It should be fun, though I'm not quite sure who's showing up at this point.
again. I'm not sure what I ate yesterday, but whatever it was probably wasn't good for me. Maybe I'm getting old like gerald and can no longer handle spicy foods. regardless I went to bed fine, and woke up feeling awful. right now I feel okay, just a little uneasy. I know I should probably go home and take it easy, but I think I still have some workaholic guilt issues to work out. I think I'll have to repartition my powerbook so that I can have both 10.2.8 and 10.3.1. This would ease the guilt significantly. Only recently did I learn about the firewire cable trick where I can boot my machine as a firewire drive. I think that's the coolest thing i've learned about macs in a while.
Quidam is coming to Vancouver. i'd like to go, but I'm not sure if I will or not. Tickets are pretty expensive $75-95 CAD. This has never really bothered me in the past, but as things are kind of uncertain for the next 6 months or so, I have seriously been thinking about cutting back on expenses. My credit card bill this month is amazingly low (I still have 12 days in my billing cycle, cross your fingers). Next month I'm going to have to pay my car insurance bill too which is never a fun task. Well other than expenses, I may go back to Houston for my brother's graduation. Tickets on United were only $230 for memorial day weekend (the weekend he's graduating). I think it'll be okay to go, but I have to check with mommy. Anyone else want to come?
I really should pay more attention to what I eat. i ate so many questionable things yesterday it's no wonder I hurt today. it all tastes good though, but i think my body will seriously rebel against me one day. oh well back to work
Seattle driving has been one of toughest things to adapt to. Oliver sent me this article today that kind of explains it. I think it does a good job of explaining my current driving frustrations.
I've heard people say things like "He/she has no personality whatsoever." Now what does that mean? I don't think I've ever met anyone with no personality. I thought everyone must have some personality. I've met people whose personalities did not interest me or seemed slightly more shallow than others, but I don't think I've met anyone with lack of personality. Merriam-Websters definition "the complex of characteristics that distinguishes an individual or a nation or group" allows room for people with a lack of complex characteristics that distinguish them; however, I don't think (and correct me if i'm wrong as I frequently am) I've ever met anyone that I'd want to say "He/she doesn't have a personality." I'm positive I've said "He/she doesn't have an interesting personality.", but other than that... well I don't think so.
I like to believe that everyone contributes in a different way. Sure there are people I don't necessarily get along with, but I do know that they add something to the world. Lately I've had trouble seeing the positive things in people which may sound like a minor detail, but it's really not. It kind of makes me sad that I'm seeing so much negative and so very little positive. Kind of like my rose colored glasses turned black. Situations I can still be positive about, but people... well lately I'm focused on the negative. I'm trying to make a conscious effort to notice the good now in the hopes that i can clear the black. I hope it works.
What I did tonight
I came home and baked lemon bars. Lemon bars are one of the easiest desserts to make. If you want to learn how to bake, start w/ lemon bars. Okay so post lemon bars I knitted for a little while then met Heather at Bauhaus for coffee (ok, hot chocolate). I haven't been since Paul, Omar, and I went well back in '01. Anyways, I forgot that the place had a good atmosphere and decent drinks. Lately I'm all about soy milk. I'm slowly getting used to the taste. I miss real milk, but the consequences are getting severe. I have a low pain tolerance. Well after catching up a bit at Bauhaus we went over to the Garage, played some pool and for the first time in like 10 yrs i actually bowled. I am not a fan of bowling; however, I am always up for social activity so if it's bowling I'm there. The funny thing about bowling for me is I get the ball, I go up to that little line and realize oh wait I was supposed to have let go of this by now. then I'm left in a dilemna, do i just throw the thing now or do I walk back and try again? usually i'm too lazy to walk back so I just throw the thing and those things are kinda heavy. needless to say a few nails were broken (not that i particulary care, but i don't like uneven nails - the minute i got home I cut them :)). Enough bowling talk, afterwards we went to B&O for dessert & coffee. Since I had hot chocolate prior, I wasn't feeling in a particularly sweet mood so i split some hummus with Sheryl and cheese fondue with Ivy. Probably not that brightest idea, but eh it was past midnight i wasn't thinking :). So now my tummy is a bit unhappy and of course there's that problem I have when I brush my teeth... well it's late so maybe i'll just fall asleep w/o any issues. Let's hope so.
as I was driving to work today, I realized that though I meet new people quite frequently rarely do I form lasting relationships with them. I don't think I would necessarily characterize myself as outgoing, though that word has been attributed to me several times. I think there is a difference between outgoing and having no fear talking to strangers. Those who know me well know that this lack of fear has gotten me into trouble several times.
Now when I meet people, I still have no fear of talking to them or even following up with them. However, I have noticed a trend in the people I get to know. They generally are people who are obsessive compulsive about e-mail, IM until all hours of the morning, or if they don't fall into either of those categories, they are generally people who will spend a lot of effort getting to know someone, i.e. organizing events etc.
A lot of my close friends I've gotten to know through IM conversations until 3am etc. For some reason I think IM provides an easy medium. It's not particularly threatening and as long as you can type fast enough you can almost carry on a regular conversation. I find most of the people whom i communicate with via IM are generally quiet in person, but once you get to know them will open up. I think this is my preferred medium for getting to know people these days. One of the major downfalls is the lack of emotion conveyed, but eh every medium has it's faults right?
and it's freaking cold again. big surprise. frost on my car today. frost everywhere. it's February! anyways had Indian food for lunch so there goes that diet plan. I was good i only ate one plate of food. these days my stomach just doesn't really take much like it used to. then i had to sit in a meeting for an hr... wow food coma came on pretty fast. I managed to get through most of the meeting and no one commented so I think i'm okay.
so tonight is sushi w/ irwin and possibly cards & games. I want to go so i can catch up with becky, but I should really go work out too. Talked to Sam a bit today. Hadn't heard from him in a while so I wanted to make sure he was still alive. Maybe I'll get him to go back to going to the gym with me :)
I'm going to hurt tomorrow. My calves already hurt a lot from ballet, but then I decided to push the limits and go skating tonight too. Tomorrow I may try to go running at the pro club. I think the physical exertion will be good for me. My mind keeps racing for no reason. It's quite amazing how many different things I can worry about at once, and if I take a step back I realize it's not worth worrying about at all.
if only i could convince myself of that. at the moment i'm warming my toes in front of the fireplace... next my butt. it's cold. i was warm while skating, now i'm cold. :( tomorrow another cold day in the pacific northwest.
Let's take a moment and go back to high school when I first heard this song... a number of years after it was released. Wow memories of different people Wesley, Alan, Sam ... the ton of firsts: kiss, sneaking out, driving a car etc.
Now Playing: A Moment's Shifting - Anything Box
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I saw the fall
And still I don't believe it with my eyes
I still recall
All the hours I waited as a child
All the things I wanted
I just watched them slip away
All the open honesty
Had washed away the stains...
Has she gone?
Although the moment's shifting,
Can you feel it in my pulse?
Has she gone?
Although the moment's shifting,
Can you see it in my eyes?
In my eyes
In my eyes
Time keeps spinning round and round
Just like a carousel
Every time it stops like this,
It brings me tumbling down
All the words I thought I read
Don't mean so much to me
All the hidden doubts I can't tie
Throughout entity
Has she gone?
Although the moment's shifting,
Can you feel it in my pulse?
Has she gone?
Although the moment's shifting,
Can you see it in my eyes?
In my eyes
In my eyes
Everything I was to you
Everything I dreamed
All the words I'd spoken
And all the tears that fell
All of my worries
And all of my pride
All of my innocence
All gone with time
Has she gone?
Although the moment's shifting
Can you feel it in my pulse?
Has she gone?
Although the moment's shifting
Can you see it in my eyes?
In my eyes
In my eyes
I attended my first ever Superbowl party. Who knew football games could last that long? I've decided I don't have the attention span for the game, but I love watching guys catching the football mid-air and then getting slammed by another guy. Ah the beauty of it makes me want to learn how to do that. Irwin threw an awesome party. Food included chili (one pot kosher chicken, one pot well non-kosher), kiwi lime serrano chili (yum), cheese danish, spice cake, fritos, tostitos, sweet maui onion potato chips, veggie plates, guacamole, 3-layer dip, 7-layer dip, cornbread (made by Travis who gave blood towards the effort), shrimp cocktail ring, birthday cake (for Alan), flan (made my Ivy), beer, soda, etc. I'm sure there was more as I'm sure Irwin has leftovers :).
So the most amusing thing about the Superbowl had to be the halftime show. Eww. I'm not quite sure how that one piece of an outfit could come off, or how someone could have the forethought to wear a pastie (sp?). I guess the commercials didn't make that much of an impression on me, since I can't really remember any of them except there seemed to be a plethora of the viagra-type drug commercials... what does this say about the demographic of Superbowl watchers?
Went to the Red Door in Fremont last night for Alan's birthday. It's a pretty fun place: packed with people, good drinks, nice atmosphere. I was a bit worn out from the day's activities. Kevin literally had to pull me off of Ivy (I collapsed on top of her). It's okay, Ivy's still alive and I managed not to lay on her bladder this time. Anyways went to Red Door had two drinks: 1 buttery nipple shot and 1 vodka tonic. I wasn't in the mood for sweet so I avoided the amaretto sour. I'm not sure what goes into a buttery nipple, but it made my tummy feel pretty warm. I was so tired I wasn't really up for much drinking. Said hi to a few people, talked about plans for today (superbowl), and then just went home... I tried to read before going to bed, but my body rejected the idea and I totally passed out. And here I am awake at 9am on a Sunday morning :)