reading CNN today... (ate lunch in office - so I needed something to do while I ate) This article reminds me of why it's not good to be a pack rat.
Oh and this article makes me wonder if change is good.
My back is killing me today. I'm not sure why. It feels like I pinched a nerve or something. I'd lay down in my office, but I don't think it's been vacuumed for a while. Also I'm very sleepy. I had a 9am meeting this morning, and since it was cold & dark this morning I had a difficult time pulling myself out of bed. I think we should be more like Spain and have afternoon siesta time. That would be great.
hmm it just occurred to me that even though i'm seriously contemplating a few drastic life changes... if everything does change, i'm going to miss this place a lot. i used to think that i wouldn't miss houston, but even these days i find myself reminscing about random people, places, and events from my life there. i think the hardest part about moving to seattle was not knowing the city as well as i knew houston. sure all i knew in houston were suburbs, chinatown, and around rice and the university district, but it was so familiar. i never felt completely and utterly lost.
it took me a few months to adjust back to seattle. i had interned here twice and i kind of knew my way around, but it wasn't that same familiar feeling anymore. now that i've lived here for a year and a half i've started feeling familiar things again i know where i like to get coffee & dessert (several places in fact - B&O, Dilletante, the W, Cafe Septieme), Tully's has the best chairs in RTC, bubble tea (Regent, Gossip, new place next to Uwajimaya), dim sum (Ming's, Imperial Seafood, Top Gun), where to park for Pike's Place Market, Belltown clubs and bars (just starting to get to know those), where to play pool (the Garage, Belltown Billiards), restaurants for breakfast, sunday brunch, lunch, dinner, dates etc... and yet i'm ready for change. i guess it's kind of up to someone else to figure out my next step.
at eating in... it all began with my shopping addiction. Yes i've been to 3 banana republics in the last 3 days and 3 body shops in the last 3 days. It's quite amazing. It's also quite sad how few places Seattle has to shop. At any rate, returned the jacket that i was feeling a bit guilty about. It was a bit too big for me and looked way too similar to my current jacket.
I don't remember when or where I picked up my shopping habit, but from reading Michelle's blog I'm guessing I got it from wherever she did. I just get the urge to shop, especially when I'm feeling a bit lost. It helps me refocus. I seriously need a cheaper hobby. I think at some point I tried to displace clothes shopping with grocery shopping. Then I realized that my fridge and freezer were full and there was no way I was going to get through all that food. Next came the Target addiction, but seriously you can only stock up on so many things... lightbulbs, batteries, toilet paper, shampoo, etc. Needless to say I think I'm pretty well situated if all the lightbulbs went out in my house... then again maybe not since this house has weird lightbulbs... not your standard 60 watt bulbs. okay so you get the idea... luckily i don't need to shop with people so I don't put anyone else through my shopping expeditions. though my friends do say that I'm really not that bad of a shopper, i can usually decide within 5-10 mins if there's anything I want in a store...
anyways back to food. So i forgot my lunch this morning on the counter, so being lazy I ate in the cafeteria. Then I ended up at uvillage shopping with Andy and we stayed at the bookstore long enough for me to get hungry (~9pm - lunch was at 1pm). My blood sugar was dangerously low - I get really grouchy when I get hungry (Ivy can attest to this). We ended up having dinner at Cedar's which was really good, but I feel like i've failed my quest. Oh well there's always tomorrow.
i used the HOV lane today... well on the entrance ramp... and I was the only one in the car, but by the time I realized I was in the wrong lane I was so close to the freeway it seemed pointless to switch lanes. For some reason I felt bad about using the HOV lane. Go fig.
The drive home was gorgeous. The street lights shone through the fog. The sky was dark, but you could still see the clouds. I could see the lights of the city from the freeway. I felt completely at peace.
I didn't do much this weekend. I finally had a weekend where I had nothing planned socially. I attempted cleaning - thus far the kitchen is done and my bedside table... I've gotten a lot of my random errands done.
My fridge is full with food. I'm attempting to eat out less and cook more. Unfortunately usually I keep up with people over food. Ah the irony of it all. So I've decided bringing my lunch to work is the way to go for this week at least. If I can limit eating out to say 2-3 times a week, I can definitely save a lot of money... It just seems so silly to constantly eat out at mediocre restaurants when I can cook, I'm just too lazy and too tired. Cross your fingers I can actually cook all the food in my fridge before it spoils...
kevin told me about this a while back, but i don't think I ever posted it. It's a feel good thing that made me feel the compassion of people in this world. Look i'm beginning to feel holiday spirit.... not really but kinda.
I'm trying, I really am. I have yet to buy any Christmas presents, as the whole buying gifts because it's a certain date gets to me (yes I do buy birthday presents - people tend to be a little dismayed if you don't).
I'm not going back to Houston this year for Christmas. I didn't want to deal with crowds at the airport and the rush of the holidays. I prefer going when it's nice and calm so I can have a relaxing vacation. I will be back in town around the 27th of January. Let me know if you guys are up for doing anything.
does anyone else remember Sunflowers by Elizabeth Arden? I walked into my building today and the lobby just smelled like it. Reminded me of late middle school early high school when everyone was wearing that perfume. It's a nice smell... brings back lots of memories.
birthday at my house was good. lots of people came. the male female ratio was definitely too high as is typical of most parties around here - minus one at Clay's in which there was a large percentage of females (most of them nannies). anyways lots of food & drinks going around. funniest was the porch incident in which kevin opened the door to get something from home and there were three guys just drinking outside... :) you know who you are.
so i had fun. i had to put stuff down as people were handing it to me so it's a bit like a treasure hunt around my house right now. I also got another poinsettia. I'm not sure how i feel about this plant. mainly because it's not really an animal friendly plant. (I forgot to water them until today - but i think they'll be okay.) I hear you can keep them alive by putting them in a dark place until next year. it's kind of like keeping a murderer in your basement.
i drank too much this weekend. alan mixed me some concoction that made my stomach churn. i put that one down pretty quickly. i had some eggnog made by travis which was good, but very strong. i also had part of an amaretto sour which i let ivy finish. then saturday was another holiday party with an open bar. i think i had a fuzzy navel, vodka tonic, and rum & coke there. i actually like vodka tonics suprisingly.
needless to say it was a fun weekend.
since Andy's informed me that my previous post was sad. which i really think of it more as insightful than sad. it's simply a statement of the winds of change really. anyways i'm having a good hair day. Or what I think is a good hair day. You know the kind when your hair is actually behaving. It might have helped that I styled it this morning but regardless it's a good hair day.
and now i'm a yr older. my IM name is 2 yrs shy of a quarter. next year is the year of the monkey which means I'll be 24... i think that's supposed to mean it'll be a good year for me. I forget.
i'm really liking the lyrics in the song My Immortal:
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
...
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yes I'm still adjusting to single life. Doing things on my own without being able to depend on someone else. I know I have tons of friends who are willing to help me, but I feel like I need to stand on my own two feet right now. I'm not sure why. I think that I still feel lost at the moment. I remember my former self and now I feel like a shell. I remember specific attributes and I'm reminded by old friends of how I used to be, but I just don't feel like that is who I am right now. In fact I don't know who I am anymore. I know I care immensely ... too much for my own good. I let things bother me; I empathize. And yet right now I cannot feel. I'm completely numb to everything. I care without feeling.
after having a horrid day at work yesterday I decided to go home & paint. well so I wasn't so intelligent, first I decided to try and get to Target at the height of rush hour. Note to self: never try that again. Nothing makes one's day worse than sitting in traffic for an extra 30 mins. Regardless I eventually made it to Target to get supplies. I even made it out of Target without buying too much extraneous stuff (minus some mint m&m's, which i find out later I had bought a bag the year previous and still have yet to open it).
By the time I got home I was just feeling blah. I even parked horribly (sorry Ivy). I get home and Ivy & Jerry are eating so I eat some of their food. I was lazy. (On that note - Eurest has made my tummy very unhappy right now. it hurts :( )
Anyways finished another painting. Another one that I don't like. I'm not sure why I keep painting things I don't like. it must be my inner subconscious telling me that i hate myself. on that note gotta meet james for dinner.
So in my quest to be fit again or at least toned so that i don't see thos annoying creases of fat... I went to the gym Sunday morning. yes I'm still suffering from mild insomnia... (I went to bed around 5am and woke up at 8:40am... i attempted to go back to bed I really did, but i finally gave up and got out of bed. Read the news online for a little bit, chatted w/ brendan, sheryl).
Anyways, eventually I get dressed, talk to my mom on the phone, and off to the gym I go. I probably go to the gym once a month these days which is a very expensive gym visit... i really should go more often. I find I get bored at the gym fast. Ran on the treadmill for 10 mins. Did tons of sit ups (it hurts to sneeze or laugh this morning). Stretched. Tried playing basketball. (really just shooting hoops and missing a lot).
Afterwards went over to UVillage for shopping and food. Then over to Target to buy Christmas ornaments. I kind of want a tree now (i'll get a potted small one for Ivy). i could just stare at the lights on it forever. it has a calming effect. i almost feel relaxed!
Then headed over to Kevin's to watch Alias. Alias makes my blood pressure rise everytime I watch. I love it! Plus seeing Jennifer Garner in different outfits is enough to keep me interested.
Made lots of them with Travis yesterday. Ate lots of them with Irwin, Becky, Alan, Jay, Travis and Tony. After dinner we played Set :) and mah jong. Mah jong ended at about 3:30am... the game is *so* addictive.
Earlier in the day had coffee with Hassan which was pleasant. Caught up with him about his life and mine. We went to Victor's which I must say has excellent coffee. It's a bit dark in the place, but I'm always up for a good cup of coffee. Well not always... but I'll definitely be up after a good cup of coffee. Yesterday I didn't get to bed until 5am.
When I was in Houston this past week, I went skating at Sharpstown. Here's a video clip of my spiral. I was a little tired so it's not as high as usual.
This year's Christmas party wasn't bad. It was definitely more packed than last year's. Traffic wasn't so fun getting there, but Kevin was driving and I just sat there not paying attention. The food was good as usual. The ravioli was still definitely the best thing. I think I have to go to the gym tomorrow to work it off... We ate, talked to people, played craps, and then took lots of pictures. Anyways all in all a good time.
i was thinking this morning, that the world looks kind of gloomy today. then i had a thought, i want my life to end like a book. not in the suicidal morbid sense, but more that i feel the need to start something new. i guess what i mean is sometimes I start reading a book and once I'm done I can pick up a completely different book and there's an entirely new tale to be told, new information to learn, etc. i kind of want life to be the same way. you know each chapter unfolding something new. right now i think i'm stuck in one of those novels that has carried out too long without having any additional plot developments. my life isn't really boring per se, i'm just not feeling completely fulfilled. i had a great time at home it reminded me of how life used to be. childhood innocence running around after school avoiding piano practice watching tv. why cant i go back to that? independence comes with significant responsibilities.
shopping. but it's so much more fun to shop in Houston than in Seattle. More stores and lots more selection. i bought another dress today and another shirt. it's the Chinese kind that's satiny & shiny as well as some lipstick cases. One thing that I've seen here that I didn't get was wrinkle free women's dress shirts. This is particularly a great development for me (the ironing incapable one). Hopefully they reach Seattle soon. I can't afford to come home to Houston each time I need clothes.
We ate breakfast this morning at La Madeleine. Yummy potato galette and croissant. I actually finished the whole thing. (And subsequently skipped lunch.) We shopped around Chinatown a bit and then went for bubble tea. I got the mini bubbles! They're much better than the big fat bubbles. :) They don't have those in Seattle either. I'm not going to get Mexican food while I'm here I don't think. I haven't had any yet and don't have any plans to get any. Oh well. I did have Goode Co. bbq last night for dinner and that was very good. mm happy tummy!