random bits and pieces

goose on roof

i walked over to the cafeteria this morning and there was this loud noise coming from above me and sure enough i looked up and there's a canadian goose on the roof!!! i guess it just never quite occurred to me that this would be possible (similarly how it never occurred to me that dairy cows did not have to be black & white).

thoughts on the way to work: i'm supposed to be happy that's what people tell me anyways. the more stuff that goes on my life the more i'm supposed to move forward and embrace the change, the more i want to revert back to the past. i received a letter from E today which makes me wonder if i live in some delusional world of my own creation. i've heard so much about layoffs and things in other companies, but here i've never really heard of such a thing. people getting fired sure, but no one getting laid off because there's no work or money etc. i grew up with it, and the fear is all too real to me. i want to submerge myself back in the real world where people live from paycheck to paycheck trying to make ends meet. i feel like i've allowed myself to become so out of touch... i wonder if i was ever in touch. my parents provided me with everything that i ever needed and most of everything i wanted. i never struggled financially through college and i envy people who paid their own way. i feel like i've had my hand held through all these big life decisions.

for the first time in my life, i asked my mother for advice and she could not really give me a definitive opinion. she stated the obvious about stability and money etc. but that's about it. i almost wish i were 5 yrs. old again and she just made decisions for me.

i feel like i did during january... i want to hide. if i weren't doing so much travelling already in the next few weeks, i'd book a ticket home and go hide there. it's warm there with good food, some relaxation would probably do me some good.