i have a ton of fears... ask anyone i know they're constantly saying that I'm always scared. the one that's been bothering me the most lately is fear of commitment. i don't want to commit to anything. i'm scared of it and i really wonder if there's any point to commit. it's not just relationships it's decisions about every part of my life. i know me... i'll argue both sides until the last minute and then make some spontaneous decision throwing out all my previous thoughts.
i think my fear of commitment has hurt so many people in the past. i think it's better for me to be alone rather than risk hurting someone else. maybe the expectation i set out should be like T's: don't expect me to care... except for me it would be don't expect me to not hurt you... because inevitably it always happens. i hurt people who are close to me. i can see the pain i cause; they say it's not my fault, but how else can you explain the hurt?
i try not to be deceptive. i tell people how i am, but they don't listen... or maybe they do and don't care. perhaps i should do more to keep people away from me... i hear being unfriendly helps... so maybe i just need to repress that side.
Posted by joann at March 18, 2004 09:49 AMYou trying not to care? Might we try something simpler, like reversing the flow of a river some where?
Posted by: Irwando at March 18, 2004 11:13 AMIt's easy... you just a bunch of people to tell you what to do. And then do something random. Oh wait...
Posted by: Dennis at March 18, 2004 04:49 PMUnfriendly? non-commital? Hhmmmm...
I thought you were very dedicated, intelligent, open and forthright. Maybe I just caught you at your best, which by the way, is very, very good.
Be yourself. Don't put unnecessary demands on yourself. Don't worry about what other people think.... The people close to you should be thankful, as I was, to have even known you.